I Don't Feel Like I'm in a Different Country

I'm on my fall break and yet I'm stressing a lot about school. With a huge paper and presentation, design project, web design project, and the Bulgarian language and a project. On the side I have trips to plan, registering for next semester, dealing with ASU residence life, and my summer. It doesn't seem like much, but boy oh boy is it!

I started really praying last night about all these things. I see this as an opportunity to really lay my worries before God. One time I heard a woman say, "Look at your hands and see how small they are and what little you can do with them. Now, imagine God's hands and how big they are. He can take care of things much better than you or I can." Constantly I think of this wonderful picture. This may be one of the biggest things I still struggle with in my walk with God. The ability to put full trust in my almighty God to take care of things, the ability to back up and say that I truly can't do it on my own, because really, I can't.

On Tuesday we went to the city of Ephesus. It is so intact compared to some others ruins I've seen within the past couple of months. Paul really wanted to reach the people of Ephesus and after a couple of failed attempts he finally spends two years preaching to the people. I was where Paul sent a letter that is now in the Bible, to really stand back and think about that, is just..... wow. Besides the Biblical importance to me, I just can't get over how beautiful this city or any ancient city must have been. These buildings are just massive, decorated, and made of heavy marble. It makes realize how cheap we are, making things out of wood and concrete, I mean....... come on!

The thing that is consuming my mind the most is plans for next summer. I'm a planner and even though it's October, I still want to know what may be in store for next summer. I applied and interviewed for a job at a summer camp that I went to in high school and have been trying to work at for the past few summers, but it just hasn't been in God's plan. So, I got the job! Which is great news, but I'm not quite convinced I'm supposed to be there this summer. I'm praying a lot, so we'll see. The other option that I've decided to open the door for is an internship. I should be doing an internship, but this wouldn't be a typical internship because it involves two things I really enjoy doing. Journalism and pursuing God's purpose. There are a lot of missions organizations out there and most of the time, newsletters are being put together or other means of communication. I've emailed about nine organizations about the possibility of this, I've gotten 5 responses in 1 day. For this, I would have to raise support and move to a different place for the whole summer. It sounds like a good deal to me, but what does He want me to do. This will be eating at me for quite some time, so prayers are appreciated for my confusing summer opportunity and which to take.

I must be diligent today. I must be productive today. This is the theme for the day.


I'm so excited for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But, this picture..... Daniel Radcliffe, what are you doing?

The Fact That Everyone is Searching Speaks Volumes

I promise.
I haven't forgotten about you.
Distractions such as: illness, midterms, projects, planning, e-mailing, etc. has consumed my life for the past 2 weeks or so.
Here I am to update you on my life.

Let's back up and do a quick summary of what's been going on before these past few days that I can remember more vividly.

After my trip to Thessaloniki, I went to Plovdiv the following weekend. Plovdiv is a larger city in Bulgaria and quite nice in my opinion. We took a scenic train through the mountains and it literally took up the whole day. Kelsi and I stayed up through the whole ride viewing the trees and the small mountain villages, most others fell asleep. We talked about a lot of things and it was a good conversation and we also tried our small amount of Bulgarian language skills on some of the people on the train. It probably made the people cringe, but we tried! Finally we got into Plovdiv and made it to our hostel and then asked for a reference on somewhere to eat. We went to this small place and I had a chicken earthenware dish with a homemade cake, it was quite delicious. I've really decided to love Bulgarian culture, it's very.... cozy? We saw the sites and walked a bit and went back that Saturday.

The next week, I had many projects due and of course with stress to make sure they're finished, I was unseen during that time because I was glued to the computer or a book. I saw a presentation of a banjo and tamboura and it was...... interesting, but I missed that sound of a banjo. Lately I've been listening to the folk radio station through AOL, I would recommend it and also I've listened to the indie station on it. If I combined how much time I've spent listening to music throughout my life, how many years would it be?

I've been attempting to go to Croatia for a few weekends, but as you notice the usage of "attempting", I haven't gone yet. So, then I was considering Romania (in Bulgarian it's pronounced Romuhnyah) with a big group who was going to see Dracula's castle, but then I got sick. They all had a great time and apparently Brasov was beautiful with the fall foliage, but I got to sleep and stay in the main building working on a project on one of the prettier fall days I've seen. Throughout these few weeks I was having sort of a weird situation going on in my relationship with God. I really felt........ pointless. As if I wasn't being used, I wasn't trying hard enough to know Him or talk to Him and there was no encouragement. God so reminded me on that weekend of His beautiful love through His creation of nature. The weather had been rainy and gloomy, but on this day the sunset was incredibly moving. I'm walking back to the main building to work on my project from taking a break to go get some dinner and I looked out and saw the greatest painting. Colors of pink, blue, gray, white, purple, gold, and orange were in the sky and just below was green, orange, red, and yellow all seen in one eyes view with the sound of children around. God knows to romance me with nature, He gave me a beautiful present that day, a lovely memory of the place of Bulgaria in a time I really needed it.

We've moved on to the week before this one now. During this week, I didn't feel like it meant much because I was looking forward to the current week that I'm in, fall break, the escape from school. I finished up some projects, the server/internet/power went out, I interviewed for a position to work at Camp War Eagle next summer, and I got to know my roommates a little better. I went to lunch with a girl from St. Petersburg named Roxy and what a beautiful person she is. The fire that she has for God is unexplainable, you can see a light turn on in her eyes when she speaks about Him. She's been going through a hard time at AUBG, as do most in a new place. I hope God used me to really speak to her and encourage her, because He used her to help me.

"Set me like a seal upon your heart, like a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, jealousy is as hard and cruel as Sheol. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a most vehement flame!" -Song of Solomon 8:6

It is currently my fall break for a good week and a half. Last Friday to next Tuesday and oh how I needed it and how much He has blessed it so far. I took a bus from Blagoevegrad to Istanbul and it was a whopping 12 hours with 2 of those hours at border control. We stopped so many times and I didn't think we'd ever make it, but the good thing is that I never had to worry about having to go to the bathroom and holding it on the bus. In eastern Europe, there are "turkish hole" bathrooms or you have to pay for the toilet. After crossing the border I had to pay 50 stoteenkee for a bathroom and to my horror, it was a hole, but then I looked around a bit more and alas I found a toilet. I vowed to never pay for a hole.

With little sleep I board the plane to Izmir in Istanbul and totally pass out and wake up when we're landing, how convenient. In Izmir, I have an aunt and uncle who live here with their 2 children. After finding out that I was studying in Bulgaria, I saw it was so close to Turkey and contacted that and here I am blogging from Turkey. On Friday upon my arrival we went to a potluck style dinner with some of their friends and it was my first time to have home made food in 2 months and I was.... fully satisfied. On Saturday we didn't do too much, but that was nice. Most of the students studying abroad have gone on these huge 3 country trips and I'm staying in one place with family and relaxing which is really just what I need. The thing is, my aunt and uncle are followers of Christ and really great examples and so this has been the most encouraging environment I've been in quite a while, possibly even since spring semester as ASU.

On Sunday I decided to go ahead and tag along to the turkish church service with them. Although it was much different than what I'm used to, it was beautiful. Upon walking in I met a few women and although there was a language barrier, it's always interesting seeing how much you can love someone you barely know just because you are in Christ's family. I could see the fellowship working in a very healthy way. During worship, it was completely in Turkish and there were some worship songs that were originally written in English that had been translated and I knew the English meaning, so it wasn't totally foreign. The passion and realness in these people when worshipping was overwhelming. They had tears and quivering voices and it makes me sad to look back to how worship can be in America, we have so much pride and don't want to seem too into it, although I've always been so respectful of the people who will break down and cry out to God. He also very much provided for me in this service today. There was a speaker who had to use a translator who speaks English, so I understood the Word and my aunt and uncle told me that they never have English speakers, so I was really blessed.

Studying abroad and being here has really let me see that God is so big, SO BIG. For some stupid reason I thought God only understood English, well not literally and I can't explain it, but truly I've understood that God is multi-lingual and it's so crazy to me that He understands all of us. Because.... I can't understand everyone. I sometimes think my brain is only made in English, but really my brain thinks just like everyone else does and I have to train it to say things in a particular language and finally, FINALLY understanding this has really been a break through for me. This is a strange thing that I've realized to explain and I wish I could sit down and really explain it in its entirety, but I surely cannot in the small post.

Open your eyes and see what He wants you to see, because I promise that He has so much to show you.

Now, I have a lovely cooked meal waiting for me and I'm going to fully enjoy it.

Here a few pictures though:


Grandma Pancake with Grand Grandma Sauce on a traditional Bulgarian Plate.


A Gypsy Woman.

Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours

For the past 3-4 days, it's been raining here in Blagoevgrad. It's only rained one other time and so it's been great weather here and typically I can appreciate the rain. But, this rainy week so far, hasn't been appreciated in my book. I think it may be because I've been so caught up in studying and having to get things done, that I haven't been able to take those great rainy day naps.

I've been to one lecture today and most of the time I come out of that class a little disheartened. Today though, was just not good in any way. Christianity has had a huge role in the way society is shaped today, it's true, no denying it. But, to think of it only as that, as many do here, is just hard for me to comprehend. I believe in the Bible and it's entirity with every single part of me. I just can't imagine me wanting to know so much and believe in Christianity with the intensity that I do, just because it's a cultural thing. After being saved, I just knew that I wanted to pursue God and put everything secondary to Him. I don't understand how my interests could change that drastically from just plain old information, which is why I believe what the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 of us becoming a new creation. Looking back, I really see that something had to change within me quickly for me to really be that faithful in the Bible.


Last weekend I went to Thessaloniki with a girl and it was really a nice weekend. We only went for one night because it's only 4 hours away and we saw the city and I liked it a lot more than Athens. On the way to Thessaloniki on the train, Chrissy (the girl I traveled with) and I met a guy who goes to school there and was traveling back from Moskow and we could tell he spoke english and so we talked to him the whole way there and it was really entertaining. He told us that we were the first Americans he had ever met and although he took english in classes he said that he learned english from "cereal boxes and south park" and then Chrissy and I were slightly worried about what kind of english he knew haha. We also went to part of a arts festival that was going on called the Dimitria festival, but unfortunately we went on not such a great night. A band called Basement was playing and to me sounded like a mix of post-rock and Kammerflimmer Kollektief, which....... don't mix. It was the weirdest hour of my whole life. Overall, the trip was a success and a nice getaway.

I'm considering many options on how to spend my next few weekends here. In 3 weeks, I'm heading to Izmir to see my aunt and uncle in Turkey for about a week and then spending some time in Istanbul, totally stoked. I can't believe how fast time has gone by here, before I know it, it will be time to get back on a plane to come back to Arkansas.

I have been so blessed in my life, so blessed. I really don't believe I could be where I am today without God having something to do with it. I originally didn't really look extremely forward to going to Arkansas State, but now I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else. I would never have imagined to study abroad, but here I am. I'm only 20, but I feel like I've seen so much and then I look at my parents life and I realize how much more I have to go. It'll go by fast, but it doesn't feel like it will. I want to use up my time wisely, excluding my few lovely naps which are time well spent on occasion, and just live it up for God. Sometimes it's hard being a Christian, but I can always at least say I'm happy, happy for the sacrifice of Christ. Even if I'm going through a tough time, I can definitely always rely on my Creator to dazzle me.

Life is good, even though it has some hard times.

I got a birthday card from my mom (even though it was a month ago, it's okay because of the mail lag) and it made my day yesterday and also reminded me of how I should be sending postcards.

I can't wait to see you guys back home and just eat cookies with you. But, I'll miss the people here more than imaginable because I don't know if I'll ever see them again.

Do you have any new suggestions for good music?
Lately I've been listening to:
-Trampled by Turtles
-Mumford and Sons
-The Tallest Man on Earth
-Chad Vangaalen
-Radiohead
-Big Band Jazz: Glenn Miller, Count Basie, Duke Ellington

One More Thing:
I'm improving my Bulgarian skills.