Pick My Brain.

Let's just say this is my life:

So, at least 4 times a week, I enjoy to drink a little alchohol. Sometimes so much that I can't remember the previous night. I also constantly worry about guys. I worry about which ones want to dance with me or if I might end up kissing the guys. I don't know what to tell them when I see them in daylight, I don't know if he wants more than that dance and possible kiss. I most of the time try so hard to make sure I look good, but deep down I never think that I'm pretty enough. All of this consumes my mind so much that sometimes it's hard to concentrate on my studies. But, I'd be a failure if I didn't do my studies and I just want to be known as a girl who does good in school, but also knows how to have fun. Little does everyone know, I'm a mess.

OR

So, I love to look like the good girl. I have a reputation to uphold. I don't drink, I only kiss guys every once in a while, I do decent in school. I severely care what everyone thinks, but I don't give that impression, I tell everyone that I just don't care, but I really do want to know what your thinking. Sometimes I do just want to let loose, but I want to end up with a decent guy when I'm older so that I can be a perfect wife and not be mistreated. Therefore, I try and respect myself, but all of this act now is to get what I want later in life. Sometimes I sit and ask, when will the act end and when will my real self come out. Who am I?


So many peope look down upon taking God's offer to be His child and live their lives in a way that can cause much more stress than I'm so happy to never deal with. Saying no is hard, saying no is hard..... but, worth it to me. One, it's glorifying to God to turn away from sin for Him and two, I don't have to worry about consequences. God gives us His law to protect us, not to hold us back. This is the view that so many of us do not understand. When we were young, didn't your parents prevent you from doing things and now looking back, you see that those rules were put in place to make us a happier person and maybe even to keep us alive? And it was all because they love us. God loves us and that's why we have His law. I can't even imagine the stress I would have if I wasn't a Christian, I feel so at peace and safe in my faith for many reasons, but this is a pretty great reason.

Today I took some time and read Matthew 5. Wow! Talk about a hard realization. I already knew everything that was being said, but to sit down and read and study it again was so convicting.
Jesus sat and told His people:
-Blessed are the poor in spirit (the humble and seen as insignificant) have the kingdom of heaven!
-Blessed and enviably happy are mourners (for the lost) because we will be comforted!
-Blessed are the meek (mild, patient, and long suffering) because we will inherit the earth!
-Blessed, enviably fortunate, happy, and spiritually prosperus are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness because we will be SATISFIED!
-Blessed are the merciful, because we will recieve mercy!
-Blessed are the pure in heart, because we can see God!
-Blessed, happy, enviably fortunate, and sprirtually prosperous are we whenever we are persecuted falsely on Christ's account!

Notice how blessed we are. I have a hard time with thinking that I'm blessed to be persecuted, but in 1 Peter it says that when we are persecuted it's okay because we bear the name of Christ. I would much rather be persecuted to know Christ rather than not know Him at all. The part about Followers being enviably fortunate because we want righteous is so true. When people find that I don't drink, do drugs, have sex, most people really respect me for it. I've even had people tell me I'm lucky. But, the few that persecute me for it, let them.... because maybe I can tell them of the peace and happiness I have from knowing my creator.

If you are a follower, I'm challenging you to be bold and so strong in your faith. We are the salt of the earth, if salt wasn't potent, what would be it's purpose? Nothing. We must be so into God and unashamed that we are lights. You never really notice a dimmed light, it allows darkness to come in. Be a bright light! Shining for God! Also, be sure that you're understanding that there is so much to God that you can't focus on one thing. I'm not asking for you to be strong in believing one aspect of the Bible. Shine with a maturity and understanding of the Bible, with love, with compassion, and pray for the Holy Spirit to help you understand.

Now that I've been in Bulgaria, I don't know how any Christians can take their relationship with God so casually back in America. Even I took it somewhat casually. You cannot make this faith to suit you, you must mold yourself to the Bible, to what God intended you to be. We so often think it's okay to ignore some parts of the Word, some commandments, to only focus on some, but really we must understand that it is all so darn important. I see here the need for the gospel and yet this is a reached people group. What about the groups who have no idea? My heart aches for this.

I watched a movie a couple nights ago called The Other Side of Heaven and it was based on the memoirs of a mormon missionary to islands called Tonga. Now, I do not believe that what the Church of Latter-Day Saints preach is right, but I will give them respect for their evangelism practices. I was watching this movie and just so disappointed in the lack of people at home that I know who would be too scared or just simply do not want to go out into the world to share the Gospel. I believe that we are all told to go, the only time we should stay, is whenever we are called to stay. One part of the movie really sticks in my mind, the missionary asked one of the locals as to why he believed what he said and the local said because he came an awful long way for him to tell a lie if he was lying. People can see that we truly care about them if we travel a long way to tell them about God.

I think that Bulgaria is a beautiful country, but I know that if I had to just rely for my satisfaction of the trip to just come from my travels, parties, etc. I would get used to this place fast. But, I have a focus in life, to glorify God and trust me, that never gets boring.

Although I am talking about all these things with somewhat an authoritative tone, the truth is that I'm not worthy to. I sin so much and today I had another realization of it and I was pretty down on myself. But, I know that because I'm repenting of these things, God will forgive me because of what Jesus did on the cross. I'm reading Search for Significance and it's allowed me to see how much of a problem my pride is. I don't want to admit it, but sometimes I think I'm better than others, which is so devastatingly wrong. I'm just as terrible as anyone else, I just know the truth of forgiveness. I want my pride to go away, I only want to boast of Christ, not of my own deeds. I'm going to be praying for God to show me more of this.

I've decided to write an in depth story about religion (in general) at AUBG and the only worry is the readership. Many people in Europe just do not see relevance of religion to their life, so why should they have to read it? But I'm excited to see what will happen through this. For my own personal knowledge to see how people are here, to listen to them and not just speculate.

I have many assignments starting to pile up for the beginning of October and I'm not too excited about it, but I'm trying to stay caught up in my reading. I'm also planning trips and thinking about semester. Being a student can be hard, but I can't imagine not being in college at this point in my life.

This is what's been on my brain for the past few days. My relationship with God is THE most important thing in my life, nothing else even compares. So it's sometimes hard for me to see other things of Bulgaria. I'll be traveling to the coast (on the Black Sea) this weekend, so I'll have some traveling stories when I return. There will probably never be a blog post of mine that doesn't involve something to do with God.

I still don't have internet on my computer, so that's why I'm never ever on skype.... sorry everyone.