Today, I was looking through a hymn book that I have and it reminded me of this little church and Chub Baer up there singing with only a piano and giving everything he had to sing praises to God. When I was younger, I had no appreciation for this, all I remember is this old guy up there singing in his raspy voice; it was honestly a bit scary when I was really young. Now I look back and have so much appreciation for him getting up there and leading the small congregation in singing praises to God and not caring what he sounded like, what others may think, or anything but bringing glory to God. Before coming to Christ, I used to be so self conscious about sounding bad in worship that I would just mouth the words. To all of you who are blessed with a beautiful voice and use it to lead others in praise, thank you, but to all of you who have not been blessed with a beautiful voice, I respect you for putting yourself so out of your own view that you can sing praises to God, no matter what anyone thinks. If you are timid when singing to God, stop and lift your voice for all to hear that you love your Creator because that is beautiful to Him.
This is the song that made me think of this, it is titled He Lives and we sang it when I was younger. It is only the chorus.
He walks with me and talks with me along life’s narrow way.
He lives, He lives, salvation to impart!
You ask me how I know He lives? He lives within my heart.
Since my return to America, I’ve been pretty emotional. I’ve never been so broken by God like I am now before in my walk. I spent the time when I was home with my family to just get used to the culture again and then I returned to Jonesboro for school and finally identifying what God has done in my heart when I was in Bulgaria. I won’t go into much detail because otherwise I would be writing a novel, but here are the basics.
- How to really love someone and invest my life.
- The fact that God can do whatever He wants, even that mystical stuff that we don’t think can happen anymore.
- Concentrating on Jesus and not being concerned about things that I try to make sense of with my faulty logic as a human.
- How valuable a brother or sister is.
- The basic History of Christianity up until Protestantism.
- That God does NOT fit in a box. (box=my understanding)
“Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have lodging places, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” –Matthew 8:20
This verse bears so much truth to what I’ve been going through lately. In my sophomore year of college, I had a lot going for me at ASU, so much that I turned down the thought of studying abroad immediately, I couldn’t leave my comfort. Then….. it kept coming up in head and I began praying, then it seemed as though I was going to Bulgaria for a semester. I spent the summer at home with family and a few good friends working, but it still wasn’t exactly comfortable. Then, I went to Bulgaria, not knowing anyone and although I made some amazing friends who have impacted my life, I still wasn’t comfortable. I was so excited to come home and back to ASU, where my comfort was, but now I’m back and wait, I’m not comfortable? I am now trying to pursue God’s purpose more than I ever have before and it has definitely strengthened our relationship, but it’s also shown me how little this world can make me happy. Now, it has left me broken. I have beautiful relationships in my life and people that I love and who give it in return. Hopefully one day in my life I will also have a marriage relationship as well. Even though I truly see that the only things in life that make me happy are relationships, none of the compare to what I have with God. It’s hard, it’s stressful at times, but what I have with Him is the most beautiful treasure in the world. So, although I’m not comfortable, frankly that doesn’t matter because I find comfort with my Creator.
I feel as though I have learned and realized so much in the past few weeks though, through conversation, the book of Matthew and a book that I am reading, Radical. I’ve spent many nights on the floor with a blanket praying and weeping that God will open my heart to everything He intends me to do. I want to be witness in this world for His wonderful and glorious plan. I want to give everything I can towards being His servant and be obedient to His word. In Matthew 4, Jesus says “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” Not that he might do it, but that He will.
When I was eating in the cafeteria earlier, all of the young men and women came in with their uniforms on for some dinner. These individuals have enlisted themselves to be in the U.S. military to protect this country that I am a part of, America. I am so grateful for them, for putting their lives on the line for me to have what I have. In Bulgaria, I met plenty of people who had a corrupt home country where they don’t have some of the luxuries that I have. But, my question is, why aren’t Christians willing to lose it all for God? It’s amazing to me that someone can have more faith in their country, so much as to they would die for it, than someone has for their Creator. Sure, soldiers get training to help them survive, but a Christian has the power of God behind them! Do we belittle His power so much that we believe that He couldn’t save us from a dangerous situation? Do we put so small of value on what God can truly do that we let Satan put fear in us from following God’s plan? It is heart breaking that I fall into this category. I confess that I do not have this much faith in God, but I want it. I hate Satan for cursing me with fear and I’m trying my best to fight it with God on my side.
I have recently decided to begin praying for Indonesia. I saw it and I read about Christianity there and I know that our brothers and sisters over there are risking their lives in true persecution, that they need help in staying faithful to believing that God will keep His promises.
What do I know? I know that God deserves every bit of my love and life and there is no excuse for giving less.
